'No talka to me, Mom! I said-a no talka to me!'

Bo is in meltdown mode. We’re almost two weeks into our three-week vacation, and she’s falling apart. I’d love to get some advice from all y’all supermoms out there.

We’re big on routine in our family. We generally have all the meals at the same time each day, naptime comes after lunch (Bo naps for 2-3 hours; Magpie takes two 1-2 hour naps). We always read books before naptime and bedtime. Etc. Etc.

We’ve stuck pretty close to our normal schedule while on our trip, so we’re not sure what’s going on. There have been a couple of days when we’ve gone a bit Griswoldian, packing too much in (hello, we should have just ridden the train to Boston and back again instead of getting off of it and actually trying to visit a couple of places. Just the train ride would have been a thrill of a lifetime for them), but generally we’ve kept our outings pretty simple.

Since Monday morning she has been constantly testing the boundaries—running away from me at Target and in a parking lot, talking sassy, even hitting my aunt one time. At first I thought she was coming off a sugar high from our unusually sweet weekend (we normally really limit her sugar intake because she gets pretty looloo when she has too much), but the games continued today.

So, what do we do? We’re trying to just be consistent, giving her consequences when she pulls a shenanigan. Tonight that meant she stayed home with J instead of going to a farm to buy some fruits and veggies. We were all in the car ready to go, but she wouldn’t get in her car seat, so after a couple of warnings he picked her up and brought her back into the house. Tears and other such drama ensued. (Bo, not J.)

Should we set an even firmer schedule, where we do the exact same thing at the same time every day (i.e., wake at 6. Breakfast. Go for a walk at 6:45. Showers. Outing at 8:30. Etc.)?

I bought a few craft supplies tonight. Maybe she’s missing that creative outlet, that reminder of home?

Or is this how our vacations will go for the next several years?

Comments

[anymommy]

Sigh. I'm a freak about my kids' routine too - even on vacation, I drive my family insane - and they still lose it a little when we travel. Too much stimulation, I think.

Not much help, just sympathy.

[Arlene]

From a Grandmas perspective...that is just the way it is...realize WHEN you get home you can re-establish all rules and boundaries...in the meantime, just extra hugs and realize - tired makes us all a little cranky, she is probably just acting out how WE all feel. I kept telling myself on vacations...will this matter in a year? If not, let it pass. ie. one time we had screaming non cooperative children and trying to take a family picture, finally we just held them and took the snaps..crying twisting turning squealing. It is one of our favorite family pictures and thankfully they hardly remember - how frustrating it was, I am so glad we didn't punish and make it a BAD memory. You are making memories, GOOD ones....so take a deep breath, hug one more time, let go of the things that don't matter. And remember when you get home, everyone will need a vacation to recover from the vacation.

[Valerie]

I only have one kid so far, turned 3 in April, but from my experience so far, his behavior comes and goes in waves -- weeks of great, weeks of not-so-great -- so it might not even be all tied to your vacation. I do keep a schedule to a point, but I have also learned (and observed from watching other moms) that if you are too strict on your schedule, etc., your kids never learn to be flexible (because we all know you must learn to be flexible at times in life, don't we?!) and sometimes that makes them even worse when they are out of their comfort zone (home). For me, consistency on discipline is the key because whether he is naughty or not, at least he knows what to expect and kids really do crave the security that comes with knowing their boundaries. And I've also found as a parent, I do try and accomodate my child when we travel, etc., but my husband and I remind ourselves that this is our vacation as well, and throughout his lifetime with us, there will be more vacations to follow, and the earlier he can learn to adjust and go with the flow when needed, the better.

[Megan]

Thanks for the GREAT advice, gals, and the empathy. Today went really well. A few normal bouts of defiance, but overall it was a happy, smooth, giggle-filled day.
Arlene, your advice about extra hugs reminded me of how I used to think of the lyrics to a Dixie Chicks song called "More Love" whenever J and I got grumpy with each other. Basically it says when things get rough, the answer is to love more, not less. So true. Even though I think that's how we respond to situations with the girls in general, I hadn't thought yet to apply that old song to them--thanks!

[nissa]

Mimi, this all sounds normal to me. In fact, it sounds just a tad-ish more normal that usual in my house! (Now aren't you glad we are coming to visit). No, seriously, we are fans of scheduling. Bedtime can be put off, no problem, although we stick closely to it so we can have alone time. Naptime can only be pushed back by ever so little or else NO nap is taken and the entire rest of the evening is difficult to ruined. Whee. Hang in there! xoxo

[Mary Eberle]

Love them. Traveling is hard on kids, but if we do it often they do well. I'm not too much help because I go out of my way not to schedule my kids into a perfect routine, however my rule don't change when we travel. SO be patient, firm, and filled with love and they will be fine

Good Luck Mommy!

[Carolyn L.]

One thing I've noticed with my daughter is how hard it is for her to go from having a lot of family around all the time to having just me or daddy. When you're a little kid and you're visiting family, you quickly get used to having an adult — any adult, be it grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. — at your beck and call, 24-7. Then, when reality rears its ugly head, and Mom wants you to pay attention at the store or Dad says he'll help you draw a picture as soon as he's done on the computer, well, that just doesn't compute. In the end, all you can do is be patient and let the tantrums fade. When you get home, it'll take a few days for things to get back to normal. But they will, soon enough.

[Grandma Char]

Welcome to the Terrible 2 yr old stage. (maybe you missed that stage last year and it is catching up with you now)
They are good for the first week to 10 days as it is all new, but then they want to go home into their own surroundings. You both are doing good, soon it will be over.

[Megan]

Again, thanks everyone. We're winding down our trip and will be back to our normal routine in a few days. I'll look back at this next time we schedule a vacation.